Another one to spoil the day!!!

Yeah!

Another one...

Its not a news anymore...

A blast again... a suicide blast for that!!!

I don't know how and when, if ever, will this all end......

This time its neither peshawar nor sawat!!

It's The Capital city.... the peaceful once islamabad!!...

I was having a good time and suddenly a message telling me to check news.... as my friend was concerned for her mom being out for a place near the site of blast....

May everybody be safe and sound....

And i hope it ends for everybody's sake!

All those who brain wash 17 year olds for their mean purposes are doomed to burn in hell....

Tere Bina.........

i have no idea why but i want to keep listening to this..... for as long as i can...

it sort of has its effect directly and deeply on the soul......

Love it like anything.............

And nidz!!!! thanks for reviving my love for such a beloved song after quite a long time... :)

it helps me to bear the worst trials at time.... :)

Tere bina zindagi se koi.........shikwa to nahi

shikwa nahi

Tere bina zindagi bhe lekin.... zindagi to nahi

zindagi nahi

Over the Top MEME!

Part One - Describe:

Your hair?
black

Your mother?
is busy in kitchen right now!

Your father?
is busy with the daily office routine :P

Your favorite food?
anything cheesy.....yum yum.... pizza ;)

Your dream last night?
was quite horrible.... today was the last day to submit my fee and all the night i had been dreaming that somehow i did'nt manage to submit it and therefore they kicked me out of the college and hence all my doctor dreams got crushed... (I know its stupid but it was quite depressing to think about it... although the maximum it could have resulted in was some fine charged for late submission....)

anyways, a dream is a dream.... and it disturbed me enough to wake me up in a strange state and call dad right away to remind him about it :)

Your favorite drink?
not very particular..... :S lets say, chocolate milkshake :P

Your dream/goal?
to make everyone who is dear to me, happy :)

The room are you in?

is the lounge.......

Your hobby?
blogging, thinking, reading.

Your fear?
is to fail in what i want to accomplish...

Your TV?
is off right now... and irritates me as nothing can grasp my attention and interest for more than 5 minutes on any of it's channels..

Your Pets?
none.

Friends?
Know who they are :)

Your life?
is managing itself quite well.

Your mood?
is usually off.... but its okay at the time... i wont bite if you let me do whatever i want :P

If you're missing someone?
i will keep missing as most of the times it cant be helped.....

Your best friend?
time will tell.... only in my grave will i know who was truly the ONE....

Part Two - The Where's?

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
in a good hospital and probably doing some specialization... or planning for it in near future

Where were you last night?
at home

Where did you grow up?
islamabad mostly.... but i havent quite finished the process :P so it was first in islamabad, then dubai and then back to islamabad.... and is going on :P

One place that I go to over and over?
my khala's place ;)

Your favorite place to eat out?
any good cosy place with friends..... but with no noise.... peace is all i seek in life.. :)

Wish list items?
a good camera (which keeps on working for long even after many falls :P), a cottage in some valley surrounded by hills....you may call it a summer house... :), i wont mind a laptop, personally owned car (any in good condition would do) and it will keep on going :P

Last time you laughed?

second day of eid... evening! while we were photo shooting ourselves...... :P

Last time you cried?
the night of 29th november, sunday..... felt alone and miserable all of a sudden...

Part Three - The What's?

Something that you aren't?
egoistic (although i am blamed for being that), selfish and arrogant...

Last thing you did?
text message to a college friend... (an old one....Anum)

What are you wearing?

shalwar kameez, printed and blue mainly... with a grey sweater :)

Something you're not wearing?
dupatta :S

Your favorite store?

i am not particular about shopping :)

YOU CAN ALSO ENJOY ANSWERING ABOUT YOURSELF.... HERE

Eid And MEHNDI!!!!....

Eid is incomplete without mehndi....... but this time it was so busy that i got time for it when eid was almost over.........

will be back with a detailed post on why it was busy later!!!!

For now, EID MUBARAK to everybody ;)

(belated though)

Just another day!!

Sometimes life seems to pass without our slightest notice of it....

There are many a days in our life when nothing of significance happens.....

Today, was one of them...

Yes! It was just another day....

Sometimes life seems so purposeless that you start questioning your very own existence.....

Why are you living? Why are you in this particular corner of the world? Why you are so useless?

Well, there are times when this uselessness has its own charms...

But after a certain period of NOTHINGNESS....

You just get tired of it...

You get tired of the sun rising every day precisely in the same place it did on the last, you get tired of the same old boring phases of moon....

Times like these....

EITHER make you, or break you!!....

The latter seems more probable to those who are used to surrendering to fate.....

But the truth is.... the toughest trials of life will bring the best out of you at their end!!

And yet, at times the trials seem never ending...

Yes! thats the very thing which makes them THE TOUGHEST!!.....

BACK TO BLOGGING!!!

The title in itself is enough to signify that i had been away from this for quite a time now...

My fingers yearned for this freedom to go on as they wished.....

But there were many hurdles.......MANY... n Big ones for that!!

Well, had to prepare for PROFFS...(1st professional exam part 1)..

Although now i think it was in vain....

Especially, considering the great performance I gave in them after whole night study marathons (with more nervous texting and less study)...

Anyways, we got those vacations... the treat after the nightmare of proff we had been waiting for since our session started...

The VAILA time to be exact.....

i slept and slept which is the best you can do if you have nothing else at hands...

Then, quite a long trip to my village..... unexpectedly long....

And then, after all this i finally came back home...

still could not convince myself to blog because...

I thought this looong neglected blog actually needed something great to start up with...

I tried to invent something great but since even after twisting my imagination to every angle possible, putting as much strain as my nerves could endure and trying to pen down something classic and resulting in lots of wasted paper and ink... i decided in favour of going random for a start :) (pretty much the same i always do)

So, here i am...

typing whatever goes straight from my mind to my fingers... :S

Hows life??

The biggest question whenever i come to blogging....

Its good.

I know "good" is a very non descriptive term in itself...

It tells you nothing...

There is always room for improvement... to make it BEST and always a reason for gratitude because at least its not the WORST......

Its not busy...

which gives me plenty of time to fret about stuff to which i should have never given a second thought..

And it gives me time to have some fun filled moments which i would not have probably enjoyed otherwise.....

Yesterday was a shocker....

I woke up with a surprise..... Very unexpected though

It made me feel no better than i was before....

The day passed somehow... they always do...

Nothing stops the sun from rising and setting at its fixed time.....

I had two bad cuts on my left hand, and that is the reason i am typing with just one hand right now... (Telling this although any body reading this will not be the least concerned how i typed this)

Well, it was painful, it hurted ....

BUT... It was nothing compared to some other pains which maybe can never be explained!!

I did not mention the worst part but the cause of it knows how to make it better... so i leave that on Hope...

And the best part is that never ending Hope..... which makes me go on every time life pushes me backwards....

Since, my brain is still shooting jumbled thoughts with no particular direction.... I will leave the rest for some other time...!!

But, i will be coming more often now that i have started it again...

Wishing everybody the best life can possibly offer... Stay blessed! (Amen)

Defense Day... Pakistan Zindabad!!

Its the time of the year, when patriotism is at its maximum height....

I love listening to mom and dad telling long stories, recalling the actual scene.....

The real adrenaline rush of 1965....

I love listening to all those jangi taraney.....

Aye rahey haq key shaheedoo.....

ay puttar hattan tey nai vikdey.....

and many more....

My one mamu was born during the 1965 war....

Mom was too young then to remember anything exept for what nana jan told her....

And dad... Oh he was a kid....

He tells how they would cheer up loud whenever a fighter flew above them...

yeah... he had been a part of the blackout..... the naarey bazi.....

I am proud of the way our army fought with spirit not arms....

Its the spirit of Pakistan which has kept it going.....

Oh yes,... and i love watching those plays about The Nishan e Haidar winning shuhda....of the PAk army...

The situations, the crisis can not dampen our spirit......

We will rise again every time someone pushes us down and reach even greater heights....

Yes, its just not a piece of land.... its our motherland....

AND we will defend it till the last drop of our blood.....

Pakistan ZINDABAD!!

aye rahe haqq key shaheedo, wafa ki tasveero, tumhe watan ki hawaeyen salam kehti hain... .

My Obsessions!!

I have been tagged and awarded this FABULOUS BLOGGER award by Closed Eyes....

It came on as a pleasant surprise...

This being my first award ever!!

Anyways...Thanks a lot dear.

RULES OF THE AWARD:-

* List 5 obsessions
* Pass the award to 5 other blogs, with their links
* Make sure you leave a comment on their blog, so they know about it
* Link to the person that gave you the award.

So, here i go with my OBSESSIONS:-

I am pretty much obsessed with everything in my life. I am the extremist sort of person....

Either i hate a thing or i am obsessed with it....

So, among all the things i am obsessed with... which are the ones that top the list??

1) DAWN...

I am in love with that time of day. I am simply crazy after them. Its a real shame that i miss many dawns deep in slumber. But, whenever i wake up in time not to miss them, I just have to get out of my bed, get out of my room... and let it come out.

Yeah!! I am in love with the sight of the rising sun spreading the sunshine, wiping away darkness, taking deep breaths in the fresh morning air.

2) BLOGGING.....

Well, it was writing first. I just loved writing in general. The blogging started just as a hobby and grew into an obsession. Although my routine (Hell! It doesnt mean i study a lot, it only means i just have to exaggerate) doesnot allow me regular updates over here, and many a thoughts which come to my mind do waste without ever being posted. But still, i just am obsessed with my blog. I want it to look good, i want it to have quality stuff (which so far i have failed in producing). I think about it when its ignored for more than a couple of days as if its a very important part of my life. Indeed, it is.

3)ICE-CREAM...

Time to shake off the philosophies and come to the real ME... Hahaha

Yeah! I love them to the extent that it had become an obsession. Its the only thing which makes me ZIDDI (as far as food is concerned). It is something i miss dearly if i don't have it every now and then. (It doesnt imply that i cant digest food without a doze of it daily). AND any celebration of mine is considered incomplete without it.

4) MY CELL PHONE:-

Hmmmm, yes it has become an obsession. Maybe because its my only 24/7 link with some of the most important people in my life. But it somehow is very very important for me. I cant part from it for long. It makes me feel i am missing something hell badly.

5) MY BUDDIES:-

YEAH!!

N and F.......

Ohhh! I never thought these idiots will become so much of a neccessity for me. I was a loner by birth. I didnt really mind staying alone, but spending like one hour without you two is so tough now. I mean i never gave importance to people. I KNEW they hurt in the end. But somehow, without my ever knowing.... You people took a very special place.

I hated the past few years of my life. I am able to forget about them now, and it probably is because of you.

(Bus, bohat hogaya. Aur tareef ki to aur phool jaogey dono :P)

I tag and award Sidra, CRD, Leela, Divsi and иidhi S.

Happy Ramadan!!

So, its here again.

Yes, The Holy month of Ramadan with all its blessings is back.

The whole atmosphere changes as soon as the moon for This Holy Month is sighted.

The sehri....

I love it the most.....

I- a person who detests the sight of breakfast, loves food at the time of Sehri.

Maybe its the thought that i won't be eating anything for the whole day which makes me like it....

Whatever the reason, i love getting up so early...

And gulping everything hurriedly, drinking water at the last moment....

The prayers, The recitation of Holy Quran.....

Everything seems holy.... a lot more purer...!

The roza.....

It passes most of the time without our notice.....

Somehow, the hunger pangs dont bother much.....

But, sometimes... it can be a real test.

Especially, the first few days of Ramadan... When one is not used to keeping the mouth and stomach empty for long hours.....

The Aftari.....

Hmmm, its the prime time. The whole day seems to move forward to it. You start thinking about it from sehri time :P

All the favourite foods- pakoras, samosas, dahi bhalley, chaat etc etc

Only the thought of all these keeps the salivary glands activated throughout the day.

Apart from all this, the aftar get-togethers, the alarms for sehri, the missed calls to make sure all friends and relatives wake up in time and most of all- The ibadat.

The prayers, may it be the regular five time prayers or the taraveeh.

It gives a sense of peace to everybody.

Before we get used to all this, the Holy month departs giving us the gift of Eid....

May we collect as many blessings as we can in this month.

Wishing the whole MUSLIM UMMAH.... a very very happy and blessed month of Ramadan.

MARHABA RAMADAN KAREEM!

Old memories!!

Life is good and funny these days....

Good- because i had fun in the past few days.

Funny- because i keep worrying about studies but never do it :)

Well... WT and I went to F 7/2 after quite a loooong time.

It was the same... :)

Our old college....

Nothing changed there....

The same old gatekeeper with his interrogative nature, the same old waiting room with hardly functioning fans, the same old classrooms, the same old funny stools in the labs, the same old students (fools) and the SAME old lazy staff...........

We had the Samosa's from our pathetic cafetaria, which this time surprisingly was not cold.. :)

And they had a strange taste...

As if it had all our lost memories in it....

I hated my Fsc period like anything...

I couldnt come to terms with anything....

But now, going after a long time to the place i often thought i had the worst time in, made me realise that i do miss it.

Yeah, somehow, i do miss the time i had spent there.

The bunking of classes, only to talk to WT for long hours, the stupid graphic designing competition we participated in, the corridors in which we braced the severe colds...., the sweaty summers!!

It had its own charm, or maybe we humans always love our past.

Atleast i always think the time that had past, was the best...

never satisfied with the present.

Or maybe its just the PROFF which makes me think of going back to that college...

Huh!!

One thing... I wont ever forget you for not letting us in again Mr gatekeeper....

Whoa...we are not the students in uniform anymore, we could come and go and come again whenever we like.

So idiotic of you......!!!!

And the first years....

Awww, they had their orientation ceremony that day..... :)

Hahaha.....

fools unaware of what they are getting themselves into....

They were all so enthusiastic, exactly the way we were once.

Funny, how they were searching for their respective classes :P

Goodluck everybody in F 7/2....

*peace*

Vacations!!! and the upcoming....

We wanted them so badly....

Oh!! yuppee we did.

We used to fill that stupid, idiotic feedback form again and again with one comment.... "We desperately need a module break, and the stuff we are taught is too much".

If we had SGD's we wanted lectures... If we had too many lectures, they were so boring and made us sleep...so SGD's were so much the better.

Six months!!

More than that...and we still were unable to decide what were we happy with...

Every module had greater pace than the previous... Lesser days, much more to do!!

And the most disinterested WE..

Ooops sorry to the people who kept themselves drowned in books...

I meant... The most disinterested ME.....

And after the scary GIT (gastrointestinal module), we said goodbyes.

Never mind the remedials in between.

I atleast didnt bother myself by studying for them.. :P

So, after so much of CRAP...

WE got that so badly needed BREAK!!...

Which is almost over....spent hibernating like a bear!!

(Do they hibernate?? :S)

Anyway... they do sleep a lot or thats the impression i have got....

Hahaha... So many plans...and no implementation!

Thats why i hate planning...

Whats the use of it??

Ahh!! I will study...cover all the things left... (Typical of the lazy students who sleep during the REAL TIME )

Now...its COUNTDOWN TIME...

9 days to go before we find ourselves again in those classes lost in AIR.

If this time my cousin decides to get married during KUB...she is so dead!!

You can wait till November idiot! (Sorry aapi).

And...the more i think i need to relax.. The more i see infront of my eyes one monstrous...-the PROFF EXAMS...

Oh! God i forgot they will come too.

1 and a half month of study and the session would be officially over...

(Scary)

JAL TO JALAL TO AYI BALA KO TAAL TU!!

About vacations:-

Good part: i slept and slept and slept for as long as i wanted and now can endure sleepless nights of study...(IF my mood allows that is)

Bad part: I couldnt visit my friend... :( and khala :(

(because of so many issues)

"Get a life Eraj... this blogpost is definitely the craziest of all. "

Faith!!!

It was pitch black all around. It seemed as if no life had ever thrived in that house. It was a deserted, gloomy place.

A candle's flame suddenly flickered indicating someone's presence....

Standing at the corner of one of its rooms she looked upon the memories of her past. Her eyes were still wet with tears.

Oh God! She had been shedding them since such a long time. But all this time, her faith had never wavered even an inch. She knew.....

She had been coming here every holiday. Everytime she saw this house, painted all over with the dust of times, she smiled at the prospect of their ever cleaning this 'Dreamhouse' of theirs for themselves.

Oh God!! How she wanted those dreams to come true now, the promises to be fulfilled now?

How many times had she wanted it to happen before she broke down. Before she lost herself.

Thinking of all the charming memories, she blew off the candle's flame and left with silent steps.

-----------

These had been the hardest five years of his life. He had been through hell!!

But the thought of only one person had kept him going. He had to return, he had to clear everything.

It was dawn....

Their favourite time of the day!!!

He opened the cottage's door. He was shocked to see it plastered with dirt.

He smiled at himself......

Five years!!!!!

Anything would have layers of mud on it after such a long long time. Everything was in its place though. The way he had left it....

Except for a candle....

But he probably didn't notice.

The sun was shining now. The sunlight was peeping the open cottage door.

He opened all the windows.....

To let the warm light come in.

He was deep in thought. He had such a tedious task ahead.

It was to clean this "Dreamhouse" and make it fit for the princess...

His princess :)

-----------

It ws a moonlit night with a clear starry sky.

She opened the door as she always did- silently with closed eyes. As if she knew keeping her eyes close would change everything. As if hoping to see a miracle when she opens them again.

She was surprised. It wasn't dark inside as she had expected it to be.

Their cottage!

It was lit with so many candles...

Beautifully lit........

It took a moment to flame her up. She was angry at herself.

She should have kept the door locked.

It was THEIR COTTAGE, THEIR "DREAMHOUSE"!!!

How dare someone entered and took shelter here.

She was about to shout out loud calling the intruders,,,,

But before she could have utterred a single syllable.. she saw something!!

Infact... She saw someone...

Oh God!! it was HIM!!

After such a long time, she saw those bright eyes filled with love...

A tear fell down her cheeks...

She smiled....

"I knew you would come one day".

He smiled in return...

And said... " I knew you would be waiting, my dear!! "

Why can't i get it off my mind!!!

Some thoughts stick to your mind as a leech and suck away all your peace. These leeches can't even be plucked off your mind, no matter how hard you try.

I want to forget it all...The good moments, the bad ones... The ups and the downs...

And i am not going to loose this internal battle this time...
I have been a SURVIVOR all my life...
I'll come out of this phase with my head high I am sure....
Insha Allah!!
And the things, the people and the dumb heads who are the cause of my misery...
would know in the end...

these leeches can suck my peace... every drop of it...
But they can't take my spirit away..

"Beneath this smiling face, lies a broken heart...
Where the road ends, I will have a new start...."

Life these days.....

Its strange....
The way my priorities have changed!!
I don't know why but i think about weird stuff these days.....
I never worried about future...i was an easy-go person...
from the very day i got some sense into my head..i was the sort of person who will take life on daily basis as, when and how it presented to me.
But now, i am a different person.
I am not ME anymore.....

I guess some decisions i took about my life were too spontaneous.... even for the type of spontaneous personality i have....
But i don't want to regret them AT ALL....
I do sometimes...
but i don't want to....

I am confused....Hell confused about what i should do, its not my studies...
No, they never bothered me much.
Its something else.... Something which is probably much more important.

And there is only one person in this entire world.....AFTER ALLAH ALMIGHTY...who can help me get out of this confused, miserable, stupid, weird state of mine.....

I hope that one person understands this....
GOOD LUCK TO ME!!!

The eternal dissatisfaction!!

I sometimes wonder....what material we humans are made off...
we get and get and get.....but still we stay thankless.....
Okay...fine!!
We do go through the so-called bad times..... but then, why do we forget to cheer up for the little good things that happen to us....

Have you people ever seen a beggar smile?
People who live below the poverty limit.....?
I have.... and they have such truth to their smiles sometimes...that their smiles overshadow the fake laughs of the millionaires of this world.....

I, myself, am the most thankless person of the whole world....
and here...i do acknowledge the fact that i have gotten a lot more than i deserve from life...so far.....

What i have actually noticed is the more you get, the more you want!!
The lesser you have, the better you know its worth.....

I don't know why but words are not enough to mention the height of my displeasure...
when i see a whole crowd of people happy (even if its on something really stupid) being interrupted by a person who whines about what bad life we have...and how worse everything really is....and why we shouldn't be too excited about it...and bla bla bla...

If someone ain't interested in being happy or is unaware of the art of enjoying the small joys that life offers....he better should keep his dissatisfaction to himself....
why depress the whole world.....

God help those who don't know how to stay happy....and
MAY WE ALL LIVE IN PEACE!!!

We won!!!!!!!.... :)

Hurrah!

We won..... :)

After a slow, disappointing start...
its such a great feeling to see Pakistan Crowned as The WORLD CHAMPIONS.....

It was worth all the tensions, prayers, confusions and everything....
It felt great to see all the nation rejoicing again...and together as one whole!

Celebrations all around!!...
People who never paid any attention to T20 matches....were even congratulating each other....

It clearly shows...how this nation was starved for any happiness...
Its so easy to please the simple people of this Great Nation...
LONG LIVE PAKISTAN....
MANY CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WHOLE NATION ON SUCH A GREAT VICTORY!!!
HATS OFF TO THE YOUNG PAKISTANI CRICKET TEAM WHO DID A LOT MORE THAN WAS EXPECTED.... :)

Keep rocking....
May Afridi retain this stable form forever.....
And may the whole team over shadow the whole world....

Good luck for the tour to Sri Lanka...DON'T let them take revenge...and make this nation proud again.....

PAKISTAN.......PAINDABAD!!!!!!!!

We can't change it!!!!!

"Oh!!!!!
What a cute baby.....such a janu.....
see her....Oh how sweet?"

Everyone was so excited to see such a cute kid around.....

"Oh check her chubby cheeks yar......"

The girl.....was with her father and was waving back to some girls....with a very sweet, cute smile on her face...

"I think she has some _______", someone said.

"Oh! no yar.....this is not possible...look how sweet she is."
"yeah, she looks so pyari masha'Allah say......and perfectly fine...."

"No, yar there is some problem....." , another insisted.

While this discussion was going on.....the girl was out of sight....
She looked to be about 2 years and some months old.....
was very very cute, and quite active......

After a few moments, she again came in sight.....and was in everyone's notice again.....
This time she came and sat on the stairs and her mom (who was accompanying her this time) told her name as 'Malaika'....

FI brought her upstairs and unlike other kids who would cry and run away frightened....she came happily and sat with us...

"What's her age?" someone asked.
Her mom replied, "3 years".

On getting a close look, our fears seemed quite right.

She had it....she had speech problems, her eyes were not quite normal (although they were of a very beautiful colour), her smile was great, nidz even said she had that " single transverse palmar crease".... we tried to check but could not notice because her mom was ready to take her home now.

It seemed so unfair....
Her reflexes were sharp.... she was such a pretty kid..
She was here in the hospital because her father had some injury on his leg...which she sweetly told us by pointing on her own leg....

BUT SHE HAD DOWN'S SYNDROME.......

She was not interested in leaving so much of attention...and so we went with her for a little distance......
We disappeared....
But encountered her again after some while...
she kissed all of us.....
said bye in a scream...and left after waving her hand for quite long.......

She left us thinking for a while....

"How could it be yar....."
"such a pretty kid....."

But then, as Nidz said....
"We can't change it yaar"

It seems unfair, buts thats how it is.....
The harsh reality of life.....

Hospitals are a strange place...
They give hope to many people....cure to others....
and have no idea what to give to some people...
Malaika is probably one of them....

We can't help her much because its a genetic problem....
But yes family support probably would do her some good....
she is such an active, responsive, lovely, happy, cute kid....
i hope this society doesn't give her any complexes by offering too much of pity....

I pray for a miracle to make her as perfect as she could be....
and yes for her to stay happy....forever

MAY ALMIGHTY ALLAH BLESS HER!!!

"Indeed! such a cute, lovely, janu, pyara bacha. Muuaah!!!"

Random thoughts!!!

Yeah i know....
people would say...
this girl opens her blog whenever she has some exam coming up and then whines about the tough time she is having, the bad results she gets and everything that goes against her....

But then people.....
can't you see???
It's my life???
so i will live it my way :P

Enough of this stupid attitude....

the CVS (cardiovascular) went away before it started...
and respiratory...
did we really start it??
Well. even if we didn't....
Its over....
we have an assessment on the coming Monday and Tuesday....
and people are definitely studying...
not updating there blogs like me....

Well i tried...but realized there is a little bit too much to do...and as i was confused...i thought it would be better if i relax myself first :)

So, here i am....

It's strange how we change with the course of time....
how the way we think changes....
few incidents in life are imprinted in our minds forever...

I have been planning to write about so many things....but lack of time always stops me from doing so...
many things which i want to share just waste away....because by the time i open up this blog....
the event which had triggered the thought is long gone...
so many things happen so rapidly...that i get no time to record them....

and i hate when this happens...when i get no time to rethink about the way i am living my life....

I am missing many people these days...
many friends are lost.....
lost probably in their own busy lives....

times come when i feel i am the most lonely person in this whole world....
but i know...whenever i get this feeling....
something happens to remind me that i am valued.....
that i am thought about....

Its strange..how i thought when I'll start my studies at Shifa, i would never miss my past time...but i do...
i miss u aini???
where have you been all this time???
Its been long time you called?
Please do so?
because i am missing you these days....missing you badly....

People would ask why cant this girl call her self??
well, well, well
i can, but i won't.....
i want you to call my girl...to know that you miss me too....

Are you loving the life in Greece so much so that you forgot this poor little friend here???

And jia???
you live just a sector away....
but whats wrong girl?
why are we just having two text messages per week of talk??
Too busy?? right?
Will see you later on....

And Razi....
you promised we are meeting in June...so if we don't...ill kill you
curse your sessionals and every stupid semester exam you have....

And A.f
i know we have misunderstandings, i know we fight....
but i try my best not to annoy you....and you know what....
when i fail to do so.....it hurts me big time....
because i start thinking there is something genetically wrong with me which i can't correct...
someday ill make you really really happy.....

AND H....
I am really sorry...i couldn't console you when you really needed me...
death is an issue i really am bad at dealing with....
my vocabulary gets lost.....
i am sorry for uncle.....May he rest in peace......
and wish you good luck with life....
you told me you prayed for something you badly want in life this Friday?
you said you cried while praying....
I pray that you get whatever you want... (Amen)

and RB....
thanks for your compliment yar....
it was such a big one for me :)
i hope i don't disappoint you in the end!
and remember your promise about being the proofreader of my first book :P (if it ever comes out)


and Saadi Api....
I feel so sorry for not being able to attend your wedding....
i will regret it forever...
but then...can't miss a modular assessment :(
(huh! here it comes again)

and mom and dad....
sorry for my mood swings these days.....
i will make you proud someday.....
but dad please...try and understand i am not a machine...
i can't endure any additional courses with MBBS at least...
i hope you understand.....


this now has started to look like a note full of sorries!!! :-S

i don't know why these days i miss you a lot mamu.....
why you left us so very early??
i wanted you to be with us now....
But thats what Allah wanted probably...
you are seeing us from above...right?
I miss you.....

I missed IPL :(
i just watched the final of the RBS 20/20....
but i have decided i won't miss a single match of the T20 World cup.... :)


and i hate being out of touch with news....
curse the people who spread fear in our country....
all the terrorists should be locked in jail and that jail should be sent to some other planet where they die without anyone to cry for them......

Nidz, FI....
thanks people for being there :)
i guess we are getting along well with each other....and i so hope that it goes like this forever
love you....

ZT, YI....
girls we don't see much of each other these days..... (probably because i hate library)
anyways.....
i hope we stay friends and good ones for that :)
(i mean friends forever).......

I wish all my class goodluck for this module....
and a very very goodluck to me too :)

and yeah...summers are here...
i am so looking forward to the monsoon rains....despite the fact that it would be very humid and sweaty..
i love rain..... :)

Anyways....goodluck with life....
i can keep on typing but then...

the longer the post...the fewer the people to read it....
so......
me going off for a while....
may i have some peace in life :)

The unfair life!!!!!!!!!!

Why is life so unfair with some people?
why does it treat them so badly?
why are some people picked especially for the purpose of suffering and torture (mental or physical)?
It seems so unfair that the people who are so good with others, so understanding are the ones who suffer the most.

I feel so sorry for you.....
I know my feeling sorry wont help you..... it simply can't
even my consolation won't help....
i was so speechless when i heard you crying today....
it almost broke me from inside.....
For the first time i felt the true meaning of the word "helplessness"...
i was literally helpless...
didn't knew what to say?
what to do?

Its always been you who helped me when i felt down...when i had some tough times....
and its so shameful i had no idea what to do at the time when you needed me the most???

I am so sorry for that....

These past days... i prayed a lot....
i prayed so much for everything to get back to normal....
i simply can't believe The Almighty Allah... didn't listen to them....

I can only pray to Allah to give you strength to face all this.....

I just hope that this so very unfair life has at least something good hidden for you!!
I wish you all the strength you need.....
And i am so sorry i couldn't say anything to you when a few words of comfort could have (maybe) helped you feel better....

100 truths!!

I am having a very common (in these days) writer's block and desperately want to update this blog of mine...so here i am..for the first time ever doing a tag....

lets see if it satisfies me...
So, who had time enough to tag me?? (knowing that i won't attempt it)

Well, sidra tagged me on FB though... and i am dead sure it was just for the sake of fulfilling the condition imposed ( i.e to tag 25 people)....

So, here i go.....


001. Real name → Eraj
002. Nicknames → Eja, chanda, moti, bachra (my late mamu used to call me that), ejju, cheeku and gol gappa lately :)
003. Zodiac → cancer
004. Male or female → female
005. Elementary → ladybird school system
006. Middle School → His highness shaikh rashid al maktoum school, Dubai, UAE.
007. High School → Islamabad Model College for girls F 10/2
008. Hair color → very dark brown
009. Long or short → somewhere in between both :)
010. Loud or Quiet → depends on the time, my mood, the place where i am and the people i am with.
011. Sweats or Jeans →none
012. Phone or Camera → phone
013. Health freak → not really
014. Drink or Smoke? → none
015. Do you have a crush on someone →no
016. Eat or Drink →drink
017. Piercings → yes, only ears.

HAVE YOU EVER?

019. Been in an airplane → yes
020. Been in a relationship → no
021. Been in a car accident → almost......even then it was very scary
022. Been in a fist fight → no

FIRSTS:

023. First piercing → ears
024. First best friend → Razia
025. First award → well...it was some handwriting contest in Kindergarden i guess (should be ashamed of what i have done to it now)
026. First pet ? never had any...so no firsts and lasts
027. First big vacation? not any yet :)
028. First crush: none so far.

LASTS:

029. Last person you talked to → mom
030. Last person you texted → jia (WT)
031. Last person you watched a movie with → i havent seen a movie in years i guess
032. Last food you ate → breakfast....(details not required i guess)
033. Last movie you watched → don't remember..........Oh yeah!! Lorenzo's oil.... :)
034. Last song you listened to →can't remember
035. Last thing you bought → some hair clips and bands i guess (summers are here you know)
036. Last person you hugged → mom

FAVES:

037. Food--> anything goes.... but pizza...with lots of cheese!! Oh yeah...
038. Drinks → juices (mango, pineapple)
039. Clothing → shalwar kameez
040. Flower → jasmin
042. Color → sky blue
043. Movie → none
044. Subject → physiology

In 2009, I....

045. kissed someone ------- no
046. celebrated Halloween-------- why would i??
047. had your heart broken------------- don't know for sure.
048. went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone---------- yes
049. someone questioned your sexual orientation---------- no :S
050. gotten someone pregnant------------- shut up
051. gotten pregnant--------------- duh no
052. had an abortion----------- refer to question 51
053. done something you've regretted-------------- many things
054. broke a promise----------- yes :(
055. hid a secret--------- yes, many
056. pretended to be happy------- many times
057. met someone who changed your life----------yes
058. pretended to be sick----------- no
059. left the country-------- no
060. tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it------- guess no
061. cried over the silliest thing------- many times
062. ran a mile------ ah no i guess.
063. went to the beach with a good friend--------yes
064. got into an argument with your friends-----------yes
065. hated someone..-------- yes
066. stayed single the whole year-------- ufff...more than that... all my life so far

CURRENTLY:

067. Eating → nothing
068. Drinking → nothing
069. I'm about to → update my blog :P
070. Listening to → the unwanted noise thats coming out of the televisions' speaker
071. Plans for today → study something (hopefully more than 3 pages of guyton) and spend some good time with an old friend :)
072. Waiting for → a miracle to change everything i hate about my life

YOUR FUTURE:

073. Want kids? → yes
074. Want to get married? → sometime in future, yes
075. Careers in mind → medicine....:)

HAVE YOU EVER:

083. Lost glasses/contacts → never (i broke them many times though)
084. Snuck out of your house → yes, as a kid...and got a good beating after that too :)
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → well, no..i would if the need comes
086. Killed somebody → will a less-than-an-inch-sized cockroach count or an ant count??
088. Been arrested → no
089. Cried when someone died → yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

090. Yourself → yes i do...thats what keeps me going...
091. Miracles → yes....but they are very very very rare
092. Love at first sight → hmmm,,, cat say anything....still confused on that
093. Heaven → yes...
094. Santa Claus -- no
095. Sex on the first date → no
096. Kiss on the first date → no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → yes
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → Yes, i am, There always are regrets and we-as humans- are the most thankless of all,.....but still i am happy with all what i have and what i am....

099. Do you believe in God → ALLAH ALMIGHTY, yes :)
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 25 people → oki...boss :(

Locomoter is over :D

Oh!!
Finally...
two torturous months of daily dissections, stinking formalin filled dissection hall and...
and...... those useless formative assessments (such thankless people are we?? it actually helped for SEQ's)..

The final assessment was the nightmare...
but as i said
at least its over...

Ufff...
so many muscles...and crazy nerves and blood vessels running through our limbs bifurcating wherever they want to....
And to top it all...

The scil sessions...
examination...motor power...
how many degrees for supination.... and how many for pronation?
and so on and on and on....

IPE....
You go blank...all muscles and nerves look like ghosts haunting you...
is this soleus?
or sartorious?
or maybe...some adductor?

is this a tendon?
a nerve or a damned artery...

if its this?
whats its name...
and if you figure that out....
Oh God! you are even supposed to tell what this damned thing does...
(i almost wrote...its function is to drive me crazy)

Its not that i am dumb...its just that the stuff was a bit too much....
a little more time...
and maybe (i say maybe)...i would have done better....
Anyways....
goodluck with cardiovascular now...
i hope its better....
atleast ...we wont have a dissection everyday...

All these complaints....and i say
its my choice...

i chose it....and i love whatever it is.. :)

Inspirational life of a person with an amputated leg!!

Well...
thanks a ton to our college for bringing him to the college and giving us an opportunity to come into direct contact with an amazing person...

Mr Saleem....
An old man in his early 70's with a bright cheerful face...
and a rather sad story to tell....

Got his left leg amputated at the age of around 25-30...
he met an accident...got a fracture...
got it fixed after a surgery and plaster....
then, he was walking fine but with little problem with his gait...probably due to some abnormal positioning of the fractured bone....
thought of getting that fixed too...
another surgery...
this time...his luck was not with him...
caught an infection....
it worsened... and the leg had to be amputated...

not to forget that while he met his accident he was actually going back home to get himself married...

he did that after losing his leg though...
and led a far better life than many of us who have all their four limbs working perfectly well...
the thing that kept him going (according to him)
was his strong faith....(on Almighty above)...

so he says...he never blamed anybody...
never regretted anthing..
and is thankful for the blessed life he had lived so far......

The meeting inspired us....
and made us ashamed....
what a complaining lot we are?
we have everything....but still we keep on asking for more and more..
never content...never satisfied..
and there are people who face great misfortunes and still manage to stay content...
what a weak faith we have in the Almighty above..???

May we be able to learn something from such people... :)

Welcome, welcome, welcome....Over atlast!!

Its been weeks we have done nothing but discuss this one stupid to-be event.....
Confusions....about who is coming and who is not?
Why he is coming? and why she is not?
What am i going to wear?
what about others?
will we enjoy it or will it be as boring as a biochemistry class?
When will it start and will it end in time?
and so on and on and on....

until it actually came

I was unsure about my attendance till the very last moment....
but then...
i didn't miss it....(fortune or misfortune i am not sure)

It started in a pretty aweful manner...
i thought i was running late... but it turned out that i was the most punctual among the lot....
i reached there first....
saw here and there for some colours (thats where you find girls)...
but all i could see was people in black (the host guys wandering around the buses)....

Finally, when i located the only gate which was open and entered pretty oddly (all dressed up like fools and that too in a hospital)...
people started coming...

First ZH, then NS.....
we both roamed here and there until the people in black called us to come towards the buses...
we went there....
got our names ticked as if we were nursery kids going for a trip to Japanese park....
we were allowed to sit in the buses...
once in there....
we started contacting one fool who was still on her way...
who else could it be...???
other than our very own...late princess-FI....

She usually is a late comer..maybe she likes a great entrance...
always asking me to save a seat (poor FI)...
she has a long way to cover everyday for college...

So, once there..
she didn't knew which gate to enter from...which bus to get in....and so on...
once inside the bus...she finally settled...

NS was busy in photography...and she kept on being busy until her camera betrayed her... (awww poor she)....
FI wanted to be in every pic...and she also wanted every pic to be awesome...
so we took a lot of pics...
and then... the crap started...
the hosts took over...
we sat in the most uncomfortable postures possible....on those pillows....(The only thing probably going in accordance with the theme..)

In between a lot of technical problems (Thanks to the dis-organizers)...
we saw some stupid videos...
and laughed as much as we could (given that we were the proud subjects of that mockery)..

People got titles... (what and why are questions beyond this blog's scope)
They were ridiculous, they were mean and they were rude (Many if not all)...

But our hosts were kind enough to tell us in the end...that they didn't actually mean all that Bakwas (another word starting with a B would be much more suitable)....

Dinner announced after some eardrum-tearing-apart sort of music......(some tits and bits had some melody though)...
we ate....(without forks which was quite uncomfortable)...

We saw the blasting fireworks (they made us actually stand up from our seats to see that)
maybe they thought it was olympic standard...(how much big can people think about themselves???)

Atlast it was time to leave....
so we did so...
from buses...we came to college....
singing loudly (any stupid loud song we could think of)...

after reaching college...we said goodbyes....
H was there waiting....(thnx to him..he came so late to pick me up and that too in response to one message)...
reached home sound and safe....
happy too...
despite the hardwork our hosts had put into in order to spoil our evening....
any time with friends is quality time..
so i had fun...
i hope everybody enjoyed.....
and despite all my sarcasm... (some part of it made us laugh a lot)...

so....
Its over!!
thats it...
now comes the bad part....
locomoter's final assesment.... :D (this monday)...
so goodluck to me :)