As a rule, man is fool; when its hot, he wants it cool; when its cool, he wants it hot; always wanting what is not!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

my "bongy"...

I want to do plenty,
But fail, as if my mind is empty.

I wonder why no one understands,
That i make a lot of plans.

All my planning goes in vain,
The reason is quite plain.

Although i plan a lot,
There is one thing i haven't got.

It is the drive to work hard,
Without which success is away, many a yard.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Nothing worth saying......

How was my day today?????????

Well well...this is a tough question.
It started quite nicely. I woke up when i wanted to. No one tried to interrupt me in my dreams. This makes me really happy. Nothing worth mentioning occured afterwards till i turned my pc on. Had a relaxing chat with a very nice friend. Its always fun to have a talk with him. He gives very sincere advice. And he is probably the only one with whom i can talk freely without hesitation and be confident to get a sincere advice. Well i would like to say thanks B. I hope u know i am thanking you. ;-)
You have always been great help.
So after that talk i opened my novel which i had been reading for a while. It was almost at the last stages. So i thought whatever it takes i'll read it all today. I did, but the ending was not what i expected. I know the world is not always good and its not usually happiness all around. But still i feel good when every body is happy at the end. It makes me feel optimistic about my life.
I had a headache then and i thought i should post what i feel. It also helps me relax. I got a bonus today. I am talking to B and typing here. The headache has just vanished. :)
I told him he is a medicine.
Well now he is gone. So i am alone with my thoughts. Today i also had a long talk with one of my school time buddy. She is a sweetheart. She was so worried about the upcoming result that she just imagined that it has been announced on the site. I immediately checked and told her it was not announced yet. Even the date was not announced. She and i laughed heartily then.
And afterwards we were discussing the possibility of a good result by a miracle and then about the dreadful result we expected in real.
Yes. My exams didnot go well. They were dreadful. Actually i prepared as i always do but this time it didnt end well. Because the board was real cruel in making the question papers. They were a nightmare.
I did my best in attempting them. Now i am praying for the miracle. I hope i'll get good grades.
Well life has nothing new to offer these days. I will listen to the coverage of laal masjid issue and then i will go to sleep. Nothing new in that. Life is the same from almost seven days. Before that i kept myself busy just in reading. Now i save time for television too.
Well there is nothing more to tell right now.
So i'll beg leave.
Hoping for a better life ahead of me.

Saturday, July 7, 2007


So, i really forgot my blogs during exams. Even after the exams i could not think of something to write about. But finally i am back in form and will try to post regularly.
Life here in islamabad is pretty obvious these days. We, the izloo people nowadays are the focus of everyone. And that without the trouble of arranging any international conference or seminar. The laal masjid issue is getting on the nerves of every Islamabadi in particular and every Pakistani in general. Generally when someone asked me to describe islamabad, the first discriptive word that came to my mind was peaceful. Islamabad was always a peaceful city. The thrill loving people used to call it boring. But i always loved this city. But nowadays its a city whose people cannot sleep at night because of the firing exchanged between the laal masjid people and the security forces. In my eighteen years of life, this is the first time i am seeing this face of islamabad. One thing is very clear that islamabad can no more be considered a safe city. Its a wonder for everybody that how the people of this madrassah and mosque collected so much weapons that they are still fighting with 12000 security personals. Although we know that the forces are holding back from attacking the mosque due to the fear of losing so many lifes who probably are kept there as hostages to be used as a human shield when the need arises. Some people think that this is just a political drama played well by all the concerned parties.
Whatever it is, its making the citizens suffer. The people are terrified and are confined in their own houses. The summer vacations for which the children wait anxiously all the year, are now no fun at all. Most of all the markets and public places are deserted. The silent city roars with the noise of bullets and bombs but nothing else. Its been five days but no improvement at all. We are still standing on the same point- waiting for some miracle to solve the problem. The maulana Ghazi Rasheed changes his mind every hour. And apparently the government wants him to surrender unconditionally and is not ready to make hasty attempts to take control of the mosque. In my opinion this thing is going to be solved by exerting force and army action at the end. Because Ghazi Rasheed is not a man of his words and he is not concerned with the lives of innocent people. He is a selfish person who just wants exemption from the cases filed against him and a safe passage. If he was concerned with the lives of people he would not have been teaching students to use guns in the name of religious education and jihad. Whatever way the problem is solved i hope the minimum number of lives are lost and the issue ends without any controversy. The people of islamabad will always remember these days when they witnessed the war with the enemy within them. The Laal mosque issue is a blow to the image of Islam and madrassah's all over the country and even in the whole world. The Muslim world which is already suffering from the ill effects of 9/11 and 7/7 events and the suicide bombings carried by Al- Qaeda and Taliban, are going to suffer even more after this event. I, as a Muslim know that this is not the real Islam. People who kill their own people for their own personal gains cannot be Muslims. The literal meaning of Islam is peace. And the deeds of these peoples are condemned by every true Muslim. Jihad is the name of struggle- struggle for a better, peaceful world. It does not mean killing people without any motive. Killing innocent people in the name of jihad is an insult to the teachings of Islam. We have to fight against these evil forces to promote the true image of Islam all over the world.
This Lal mosque thing made me serious and sentimental. I am really depressed to see the city where i was born and have spent most of my life in this way. Where law and order was always maintained, now the army is patrolling. Its citizens are terrified and are hoping that they will be able to walk in the streets without any fear soon. That the government will take measures to prevent such an event from happening again. That the law and order will be restored again and the life will become normal. I strongly believe that people who project Islam in such a negative way should be dealt with strictness so that no one tries to make the mistake again.

Hoping for a better and peaceful solution of the problem with minimum possible bloodshed.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Grandma is here.....

Huh! What a frustrating day it is.
From the very start it was bad enough. I should have guessed this is not one of my best days. It started with my mom shouting at me to wake up. I was late again:(. Usually my mom leaves me to myself and my bed but today it was different. The reason is obvious. My grandma is here. At least we should behave ourselves in front of her. So I woke up early today and abandoned my sweet dreams in the middle. They really were sweet today. Although I was not dreaming of my prince charming, but tonight I was honored with a dream of a very nice old teacher of mine. But in the middle of her nice lecture, came my mom:(. Coming to the breakfast, it was fine. Not so good, not so bad. Today also timing was the problem. Yeah I am not accustomed to having my breakfast early in the morning. But thanks to my grandma, I did it.
How can dad even think of my studying physics today?
I simply cannot. First of all, I hate that particular subject. It gives me a headache. And with my mom and grandma discussing all the family problems, I cannot stuff cotton in my ears. I have to listen. The fact that grandma is talking with my mom, not me, is not important. So I cannot prepare for the physics paper. Its not preparation to be exact, its revision, but without revision the paper is going to be a bad one. As far as physics is concerned, my paper is never good, no matter what the situation is.
Still I’ll have to open the book. But today its 23rd march, I have to watch some TV too. I cannot miss it today. It’s the PAKISTAN RESOLUTION DAY. I enjoyed the parade today on PTV. I am proud of Pakistan army. They performed well. My brother was very excited. One moment he was in front of the TV screen, the other he was on the rooftop. Unable to decide which view is the better one. I enjoyed his runningJ.
There is little to say on other things. Our family is really a unique one. All the issues revolve around money. The way I had spent my life till now, I cannot say money was ever scarce. It was quite enough for our use. But the credit goes to my dad; he made it enough by his hard work. He came from the village to study. Worked hard, made his life. He is still working hard. I hope I’ll not disappoint him. I never did in the past. I hope I’ll be able to fulfill all his dreams. I can see that he is losing his stamina. No more the man who could climb all the stairs up to the fourth floor in one breathe. It worries me that he is careless about his own health. But then, after all he had done for us and is still doing, we should take care of him.
Now I’ll discuss my dad in detail some other time. At present, the pressing issue is that I have to go to my grandpa’s home (my mom’s dad). I really will miss him there. That house is incomplete without him. He died 40 days back, so will have to attend his “CHALISWAN”. I hope he is in peace in the other world. May be this will be the last time we ever go there, because the other relatives don’t want to meet us. It’s a long story why they don’t. The other relatives are actually the step brothers and sisters of my mom. They really are mean people. They left us without any reason. They made my mom extremely upset. Well I don’t know why I am living in the past today. Actually mom is missing his dad. It’s natural that she will. This discussion about my family is really making me tense.
The remaining day is not going to be a good one too. It’s going to be the day in a gloomy house with people who don’t want to see each other. I hope it will be over soon. I’ll have to study at night, if these thoughts ever allowed me to.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Random thoughts........

The thought uppermost in my mind at the present moment is......."Eishal! blogging is the least likely thing you are supposed to do at such a time".You people must be thinking what the hell is wrong with the timing!
hey people.....give me a break!!!!
You don't know why i am saying that?
The reason is that my exams (pre-boards), are going to start from 24th march, 07. Yeah, the day after tomorrow:(
And i have got this bee in my head to start blogging!
Anyhow........... these are going to be some real random thoughts.
Lets start with what is going on in my life.
At present its going nowhere in particular. I try to work hard, but i can't.
No i am not in love:)
But i am wondering where i am?
Yeah sure, i am in islamabad. In my house, in front of my pc.
According to my mom, wasting my time:)
Well grandma is at home atlast. It was a struggle for my dad to get her home.
She didn't ran away but she was visiting us from our village. Our village is quite a distance from here. It takes about 12 hours to reach islamabad from there by means of a bus .And to top it off ,usually the buses are late.
Coming back to the point of my dad's struggle to fetch his mom home from the was a bad experience!!!!
We got the news that she is coming yesterday evening...she was to reach islamabad at 6:30am.
But hats off to the bus drivers........they cannot break the tradition of coming late.
Then came the real problem of identifying which bus she must be in.He was off to the station at 6:00am and returned with my grandma at 8:15am.
.......................we (me,mom and my little brother) were awake to greet her like good nice grandchildren.And my little bro actually dozed off again till the time grandma arrived at home.
This is not we'll have to go visiting all our relatives with her. I am not happy about it.........because i have not prepared well for my pre-boards and now this visiting will waste a lot of time. I even can't say that i dont want to go because it will add fuel to the fire.
You must be wondering what fire came now?

I warned you at the start............these are going to be my random thoughts.
Coming back to the issue of fire...........this poor little Eishal is in a bad coil.
Mom thinks i am not giving time to my studies, Dad says i will be not responsible for your results. Ofcourse he will not be, i will be responsible for my result. But this is a warning to come back at the right track.
But what can i do?
Its not my fault that i am a cancerian!
They are damn moody.
And i am in a mood not to i will not.
Now comes the real problem...........what will i tell dad about my day's progress?
Well i'll think about it. Its a serious issue.
For random thoughts are getting more random.
Why Pakistan plays cricket?
A real difficult question!
Well i think they do that to embarrass the Pakistanis.
Now it is real bad.
The only match they won in the World Cup was the one............Pakistanis were not interested in.
They never perform good when it is required.
Hats off to Ireland.
They really played good.
But i am not interested in cricket anymore:(
Because whenever my interest in it increases.............we start losing.
So no more talk on sports( especially cricket).
Its not worth discussing.
All my hopes of wasting my time by watching the worldcup are now shattered.
Just because we lost to Ireland, and are out of the worldcup.
Now there is no reason of my watching the match whole day.
Because its not my team that is playing.
Thats not fair.
I'll talk to dad about it.
I want to watch cricket no matter which team is playing.
That's the real spirit.
Now i have to prepare my dad mentally to allow me to watch the match.
So, i'll stop blogging:(
ANY OTHER TIME.............some more random thoughts.


well the previous two posts are my thoughts when both the events took i have just started as a blogger i thought to share them with you people!
i must say these are the thoughts of an immature teenager who has not yet known the world.........its the world and its events through my eyes and
others have complete rights to disagree with my opinions.............and i would appreciate if people will share there opinions with me.


The scenario, which the Muslim world is facing right now, is the worst of all times. When we look a few years back, we recollect the big bang that hit the world with all its force at the dawn of 11th September, 2001. Apparently, the 9/11 provided the United States with the much awaited opportunity for waging a war against the entire Muslim world, in the pretense of “THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM.” It started from Afghanistan and is not yet finished at Iraq. The sharp, cunning eyes of the United States are now focused on Iran.

At the present moment, however, the point towards which I want to bring your attention is the recent hanging of the former President of Iraq-Saddam Hussein, its worldwide broadcast and its long lasting affects. Was the hanging without even completing the so-called trial and going over all Saddam’s crimes justifiable or not, is a question that is to remain unanswered. There is no doubt that it is still debatable if Saddam died as a martyr, a victim or a dictator and criminal who massacred thousands of innocent people. To make the situation even worse, there comes the grainy video of his execution, telecasted at every news channel of the world, with the audible sounds of Saddam being mocked at the gallows by the witnesses present. Now this is entirely insane and unfair. Mocking a dying man, no matter whatever he has done in his life, is immoral and a complete nonsense. And to add oil to the fire, it is done on the Eid day. Whatever he was- according to Mr. Bush or the rest of the world, he was a hero in the eyes of many people. If Hitler was hanged publicly for all the brutality he committed, in front of the whole world, how would the Germans feel? No doubt they will be outrageous! Because, despite all his cruelties an injustices to the humanity, he was their leader and hero. Similar is the case with Saddam- he was a courageous leader of a Muslim country and mocking him in front of the whole world should cause the ears of other Muslim countries wringing for what is in store for them at the hands of United States.
Historian Garry Wills once wrote “Only the winners decide what war crimes were.”
The fact that this video has increased the lurking danger of Iraq’s division into three countries- the Shiastan, Sunistan and Kurdistan, is undeniable. But the people who suffered the most from it are those who already have mental disorders and depression problems. Watching the video forces us to ponder upon the following questions:-
Why do we kill each other so deliberately? Why do we kill each other so casually, as in war? Why do we kill anything?
We allow death its way every day, across the world, in places sucked dry by poverty and famine, simply by sitting by.
It makes us feel that life is a joke. Although death is efficient at finding victims of its own, we scramble to give it a hand, rationalizing our help as moral and just. The media is already filled with gruesome images of death, violence and terrorism, making it impossible for us to live a normal life. We live in a constant terror of becoming a victim of suicide bombing. In these circumstances, the grainy video has its effects, as it makes us believe killing a man is no big a deal. On the other hand it also leads to the feeling of helplessness in the people who loved the man. Thinking they are unable to do anything, and seeing the corpse of their hero with a broken neck swinging sideways at the end of a thick rope.
And then this video costs the life of many children. From Yemen to United States, several boys and adolescents ranging from age nine to thirteen hung themselves after watching graphic footage of Saddam Hussein’s execution. Hisham Ramy, an associate professor of psychiatry at Ain Shams University in Cairo, said graphic videos can have a severe effect on children who don’t yet know the consequences of death and violence. Innocent as they were- they saw how its done with the assistance of the telecasted video, but don’t think its horrific, and they are more likely to imitate it.
Child psychologist Jasem Hajela in Kuwait city placed all blame on video images.

Considering all what has happened in this short time after the hanging, there also is the fear of Taliban carrying more attacks killing civilians for seeking revenge. After all the gory scenes we had already witnessed during the war against terrorism and the losses the Muslim world had to endure, it is hard to imagine what will happen next. We simply cannot tolerate a divided Iraq, increased terrorism and violence and most of all our children hanging themselves just because they had watched five sublime minutes at the hanging rope and in their innocence had mimicked it. The broadcast of the video was a huge mistake. It caused fear, terror and initiated anger among the Muslims. Such a mistake should never be committed again. As movements against the death penalty are being carried by many organizations, we should also try to limit ourselves for what can be shown on the screen and what should be not. The increased on-screen violence is dangerous for us and our future. Lets hope that we can at least lessen the violence all around by not showing it in such a manner on televisions and other sources of the media and hence lead ourselves to a better, peaceful and serene world.


It is not very difficult for the other students especially of my age to imagine the level of excitement when you are about to enter the college for the very first time. Yes, its ten years of hard work along with a lot of enjoyment, fun, huge bags and of course the careless attitude that one finally qualifies to step into the most important phase called as “the college life”.
As a student, college life always attracted me when I was in school. Everyday I thought about how independent I will be and how much I would enjoy the atmosphere. I dreamt about the pleasure I would feel being taught by educated teachers and what a great feeling it would be to have mature, intelligent girls as my class fellows. I always wished the years could fly and I can be able to start my college life as soon as possible.
And finally the day approached when my school life came to an end as I got my mark sheet of matriculation examination in my hands. I got the grades I wished for so I could easily get admission in any college for F-Sc Pre-Medical. That was a relief, a joy. I thought of the tough task ahead of myself and became a lot more determined to make my dreams a reality.
After getting the marks the next and the most confusing part was the selection of a proper and good college in which I want to study. And what else can a person with good marks and living in Islamabad think about other than the reputed name of "ABC COLLEGE". As all my friends and every body insisted on having admission in the above mentioned college and I myself had heard about its good results, bright students, qualified staff and the gold medalist teachers. I applied for admission and my name luckily (although I doubt about whether I really was lucky or should I write the word unfortunately) came in the first merit list. I was shocked that my number was 49th because I never thought of such high competition and my surprise was doubled when I was told that the highest marks in the merit list were 988. I just for once thought that it would be really difficult for me to compete but then I said to my self that I should be thinking positively and thought about the nice company of intelligent girls and of course the atmosphere full of knowledge. I was content and was happy.
After the whole procedure of admission and fee payment was completed and I was registered as the student of the reputed college of Islamabad, I came to know that none of my six friends with whom I had spent my last ten years could accompany me in my class. I felt sad but then satisfied myself again with the prospect of my becoming a doctor and its importance in my future life. And after attending the orientation meeting and listening to the lively speech of the Principal who said that we were the luckiest ones to get admission out of 2500 applicants I felt myself extremely fortunate.
Then came the biggest day, the day which was going to fulfill all of my dreams of studying in a college, my first day in college was on Thursday, 17th August, 2006. I got up from bed early in order to prepare for the most important and awaited day of my life thus far. My father dropped me at the gate of the college. I was excited, confused, and happy but the feeling that dominated all my emotions was the determination to study. As soon as I entered the college a lot of confused faces like mine were looking here and there to find someone they knew. I also looked for my friends who had got admissions in pre- engineering and found them after a lot of struggle. We looked around and saw that some of the students were standing alone and the others in the form of groups. Wondering that of what nature our class fellows will be and hoping that we will soon find good friends in our respected classes we entered the hall in which the Principal was to address us. It was the repeat telecast of the speech she had made at the occasion of orientation and we all felt bored. Finally she allowed us to go to our classes. The big issue was that we didn’t actually knew where our classes were and a few of us were not even aware that which section we belonged to. A huge confusion arose, as the students came out of the hall and started to run here and there without any sense of direction. Finally we came across a notice board and from there noted down our time table. As I became aware of the fact that at that time I was supposed to be in the zoology lab for my biology practical, I inquired from some senior students about its location but all in vain, how could they guide me in the right direction when they had decided to follow the concept of the First Year Fooling. I ended at a store room and uttered a word or two about the inhospitality of our senior students but on my way back to the point from where I had started my search for the lab I luckily met our Principal, on asking respectfully for guidance, she politely told me the way. On reaching the lab I found out that out of 30 girls only five were lucky to locate the lab as it was really in a place where one would hardly think of it to be. Our timings for the practical were from 8:30am to 10:00am but when we reached the lab it was already 9:55am so in the five minutes we had, our Lab Assistant told us her name and asked for our introduction which we had just started when the bell rang. We then started another tiring search to find room number 15 for the chemistry class. It is a huge college and occupies a vast space with many sections and for a person totally ignorant and new to that atmosphere it is almost impossible to find out a room without any true and sincere guidance. I finally found the room and went inside and saw the new faces of my class fellows, wondering which one of them will become my new friend. The teacher of chemistry came, called for the attendance but nobody knew the roll numbers allotted to them and everybody shouted that their names should be called, the Madam said that she was only provided with the roll numbers and not names, so there was no proper attendance as nobody knew whether she was marked as present or absent. She asked the names of all the girls present and then ................said she would not be able to remember even a single one. She gave us a brief introduction to chemistry and then left the rest for the next day. The next period was biology in which the same issue of the roll numbers was raised for attendance and then followed the procedure of introduction. We got break at last which was especially for the first year students but on reaching the cafe we saw a huge number of students pushing each other in order to get something to eat and as all the tables were occupied and there was unbearable humidity I returned all the way back to my classroom. In all this going and coming back the so called break was over. The next period was of physics in which we encountered a new and unique experience. We were in the middle of the introduction process when suddenly a huge noise was heard as if something large had fell down, when we all looked right and left, up and down we noticed that one of the fan was moving as if it would fall right on any one of us, anytime. We all shouted and thought it to be an earthquake as the memories of the terrible event of 8th October 05 were still fresh in our minds. Suddenly we realized that it was not an earthquake but one of the wings of the ceiling fan had broken and fell down on the floor which caused that noise. We all were shocked but thanked Almighty Allah for securing us from any harm. We thought about how reliable the old fans were and requested the teacher to switch off all of them as we all thought our lives to be extremely precious and we didn’t want to lose them in that manner. The remainder of the day we spent without fans and it was the humid month of August so the heat was unbearable. I continuously kept on removing the stinging sweat from my face and in this condition attended the last two periods of English and Urdu. The teachers advised us to study hard and with complete devotion if we wanted to accomplish the tasks we had set for ourselves.
At the end of the day I was really tired and when I returned home it was almost 4:00 pm. The whole day was a busy one and the thing which was almost impossible to believe was that in a college of about 4000 students there was not even one cooler and we had to wet our throats from a few drops of lukewarm water from the ablution area. So I satisfied my thirst when I returned home and drank two full glasses of cold water and sat down thinking about the two years ahead of me and convincing myself without any success that I would soon be used to it and start liking the college life.
This was my experience of the first day in college but I hope that all others had a better one which does not include any incident like the breaking of fans etc. Everyday we had a new experience, the teachers were determined to teach us all the hardships of life in the very first week and so they never told us where to go and where to find a particular room, laboratory etc and we used to roam around in the whole college to find a room which was just below our own class room or would find a class room when almost half the lecture was over. The arrival and departure of students from the college was also a confused one as it was never sure from which gate we are going to be allowed to leave the college because it depended upon the desire of the gatekeeper which gate was to be kept open and which would have to be closed. One day my father picked me from the front gate, the other day it was some new gate. In addition to all this mayhem and confusion there was also another task- the procedure of getting a bus pass and library card. Whenever we inquired somebody about the dates or time when these will be issued. The answer was, “see the notice board”. And whenever we saw the notice board we couldn’t find any help. When suddenly came the information that only two days were left before the last date of submission of bus fee, I hurried and got a bus form from a room which was called the office but was located in that part of the college that could cause serios fatigue and weakness in the students to find out and then stand in the long line. After lot of struggle I got a piece of card board which was called the “bus pass”. The same fatigue and weakness was experienced when I tried to get my library card. But finally we got used to all this as it was going to be our fate for the next two years and who knows what life has to offer next?