As a rule, man is fool; when its hot, he wants it cool; when its cool, he wants it hot; always wanting what is not!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Life....

So much is happening around us these days.......
Floods, brutality, insensitivity, mismanagement and a lot more....

I have to admit, when i heard about the 'sialkot incidence', i was numb for so many hours even days.
I am still shocked at how quickly i recovered and even forgot the initial jolt that rocked me when i first heard the news.
Is this the Pakistan i was proud of?

Oh no...i am still proud of my motherland.
But are these the people, the Pakistanis, who i thought were a great nation??
How am i still roaming around, smiling, laughing, living a normal life when someone who had an equal right to live was murdered in such an inhuman way...
no words are strong enough to describe the brutal act that was committed and that too from people who call themselves Muslims and Pakistanis....

If a glass slips from my hand the crashing sound it makes with the floor makes me wince as if it was hurt. Its a very normal, human response. Although, its not a living thing, and it will not experience any pain, my next step would be to pick it up, look for any scratches, breaks etc. Now if that glass or whatever it was is of some value to me, i might hope i haven't broken it and if i have caused any damage, i will feel really really bad.

Now, what if i am angry and i am holding something. My anger could drive me to throw whatever i am holding. This is also a normal human response. That is why anger is not good.
But after a while, when i am feeling a little normal again, i will realize what i have done.

Now, if my anger was justified i might not regret what i did if the thing is of no great value or if i didn't cause any damage. But if it was valuable and i broke it in my anger, i will regret my outburst.
Regret, once again is normal for humans.
And what if i realize, my anger was not even justified. That i actually had no reason whatsoever for being angry.
My regret now would be immense.

Well, these people whoever they are not only committed an unforgivable act in their anger (or so they claim), they also have no regrets at all.
They think they are justified in beating two humans to death!!!
Not being concerned about the irreparable damage you caused to two precious lives is not human.
Not regretting the act after you know the angry outburst was not justified is not human.
Defending your inhuman act is.........i seriously don't know what!!!

To top it all off, it happens in Ramadan- the holiest of all months!!

I keep on listening to meaningless words like justice..
Their is no justice in this world at least for Mughees and Muneeb.
And may their family and parents be given more strength then they already have, and may they get rewarded for their Sabr. (Ameen)

Rains have caused havoc all over Pakistan.
Leaving the disgusting facts (like from where the extra water came, and who did what to save whose property) for some other time or for the anchors who have to earn their livings by breaking depressing news and stories.....

I just pray to Almighty Allah to please help us all.
Ya Ilahi, hum teri is aazmaish key laiq he nahi, Tu hume aisi aazmaish me na daal key jis pe hum pura he nahi utar saktey, aur Aye mere Rabb ul kareem, tu mere hum watno ko is museebat se nikal, aur hume taufeeq ata kar key hum is babarkat mahiney me unki madad kar saken, Aur humarey naam nihad leaders ko hidayat dey, key is baar wo apne bharey hue bank accounts aur kabhi na khatm hone wali properties ko mazeed brhaney ki bajaye, unki madad karen k jinho ne ghalti he se sahi, unhe apna leadrer chuna. (Amen)


And now i go to get ready for college hoping i will see some interesting cases at my last day of off-campus rotations!!!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

i came here just to thanks BLOGGER for finally signing me in so that i can sign out again....
HUh....
here i was happy thinking about a random loooong post after such a looooooong time...
and blogger helped me ruin my day at the very beginning...
Thanks indeed!!

I have to go press my clothes and get ready for college.... :(

Better luck next time...
Poor me!!

*weeps*
*sighs*

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Yes, i am alive........

yes, yes! i am still around...
haven't deserted my blog completely...

And to be very honest, i missed it quite a lot.
i will be back very soon with some detailed posts about how life had been treating me these past days :)


Monday, March 8, 2010

Talking to myself!!

I don't know why but even blogging has lost its charm for me...
It feels stupid to come here when i am too full of everything and to pour all frustrations here...
I am sick of never having a good thing, a good memory to share...

All i do is whine about life....

There was a time when Eraj Sahaab used to talk to herself... imagine a whole new world around her and live happily in it if she had any problems with the company provided in the real world...

Mom used to call me a retard.... She thought it was some mental illness that made me talk to myself...

MOM!! you were wrong...
See what have i done to myself after i started talking to humans....

I have nothing else to say right now, except for the fact that i remember it was hard to leave that habit of living in a world of characters imagined by me... But it kept me busy..

I had no time for boredom at least...

And now no matter how hard i try, i cannot make myself do all that again...

Maybe i have grown up..
Or just maybe i have lost another pleasure i had in life...

I miss being stupid.......
Because even though i am not a retard now, i still am mostly treated like one....

I miss all that i was....and hate all that i am now..

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Knowing and understanding!!!

I just realized how many unfinished drafts i have got..... and its strange how i forgot about them...

Huh!! A post about Eid e qurban, a post about the first year of medicine, a post about exams, a post about i don't even know what???

It was such a stupid and busy day that i can't even think of studying anything now....
I don't know whats wrong with guests and assessments. They always come together.


Okay so the part above was written yesterday.... But i am so sick of discarding my incomplete posts that i am not going to give this one the same treatment...
Today was a little less bad than yesterday......

I did at least start studying.. Now thats a positive sign. :S
You can't end a journey unless you start it. So, i am on the road......
I need a jet but my speed is worse than a chinchi (bicycle rickshaw)....

Lets just say i am travelling on foot...
Yes, really that slow....
At least i am moving forward.

Okay... my thoughts are a little too jumbled up right now.....
I don't know anythinggg................
But, wait!!!
Isn't it the highest form of knowledge. Thats what our Respectable D said....

I wish every one good luck....
Ohh Almighty!! help our brains in memorizing and understanding itself......
Amen.

"There is a lot of difference between knowing a thing and understanding it"
Whoever said it.... its so true.
And never did i understand this so well as now when i read and read and read that neuroanatomy again and again and i think i know things, but i can never ever claim that i understand them.....

Cheers!!
wishing a happy, blessed life to everybody.
Good luck to all my class mates for the assessment..... :)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I am a total fool..........

Oh yes!!!..... trust me i am!!....
I keep on doing stuff i am not supposed to....

I just hate it....
Each and everything that is happening these days.... simply sucks...

I want to vanish from the surface of earth... i want to become invisible for sometime...
So that no one bothers me.
So that i can give myself sometime..

I need peace...
Internal peace that is.....

I want the volcano inside me to erupt once and relieve me of all my emotional turmoils....

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Blank..........

I open my blog page almost everyday.... i even sometimes click on that "create new post" button and open that page in hopes that i might end up with something.
I have nothing to say to life....

I hate short posts........
I want to talk to myself like crazy....
I hate to say that but i feel like being in prison...
Its good the weekend is over...
I will be able to breath at least.....

I hope it turns out to be a good day tomorrow...
I hate when i disappoint people..
especially those dear to me...

Sorry to those who suffer only because of my stupid moods.... and because they were stupid enough to chose me as company.....



Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Life..........

I have no idea.... why and where and how its moving forward... But somehow it is!!

I don't even know why i came here.. Maybe because i was thinking from a few days thats its been quite a time since i vomited my frustrations out here...
I actually do that...
I think this blog which started as some sort of a personal online diary has now become a dustbin where i come once in a while when my brain is too full with stuff....and here i spit it all out...
All that i have to take in without an "ufff" and a "why"...
To be precise...
ALL the dirt (i typed another word which would have been more appropriate but thanks to Dr A, decided to censor it here for good) that life has been throwing at me of late...

2010 does not look very promising to be honest...
its not going the way i had it planned....

Nothing is right... and still you ask me how you are? And i will say Alhamdulillah! all fine.

Two days back, i had one of my worst nights ever....
It was so strangely different...
Its not that i never felt worried, upset or sad...
But it was surely the first ever time i actually felt BROKEN...

I thought and used to believe that nothing, NOTHING could ever break me...
But as a friend said, Yes! I am not as brave as i and they thought i was.
A few things went against me and my spirit broke like a house of cards....

I felt so terribly weak....
And i felt so terribly alone.... As if there is not a single person who gives a damn about me in this entire world...
I swear it was the worst possible feeling one can ever experience....

I want everything back. All that i lost, all that i am losing....
I want it back at any cost.
I can not afford anymore blows by fate....

Thanks N and F....Thanks B...
I am so thankful to you all. You made me feel much much better...
At least you helped me regain some of my lost strength....
Love you all...

I want your prayers...always...

Wish everyone a very good luck for life...