Changed!!

Time flies past us and it changes us in ways we would have never thought possible. We-humans- at times are arrogant enough to assume that nothing could possibly change us......

It's just about time we realize how wrong we are in our baseless assumptions....

Because even if we don't change; people do.

And they force us to do the same in one way or other.

The ironic part is that when these very people have changed you to an extent that you don't even remember your previous self accurately, when you think you had been like this from the very start, they start complaining about the change.

It is so difficult at times to accept that the very people for whom you changed yourself, are not pleased with the outcome.

I, for one, have had enough experience of changing myself in to twisted forms for people and that too against my better judgement at times.

Sometimes, you know from the very start that you are fighting a lost battle. That you will lose whatever little you had in the end too. But still, some inside force makes you go through the act. It makes you think you will succeed where others have failed.

Oooh! whatever! I just have lost it completely. I even don't remember how i used to write blog posts. I think i will have to start getting used to the feeling of having all my emotions bottled up inside me. So, this little pleasure of life has been taken away from me as well...

What have i done wrong to deserve this?

That i will never ever learn to shut up at the right moment. Yes, that will be it.

I wish the debater in me would die soon too. When so much has changed over the passage of a year (or may be more) according to the claims i have been hearing, then why not this little habit.

Here it is! Another of my precious nights of exam preparation wasted. Thanks to people who think they are being nice enough to leave me so that i can enjoy myself in my own little world.

I was such an idiot to have ever believed in people. I should have never ever left my dream world. It was all too perfect. Who cares if i would have ended up in a mental asylum? Who cares if i would have become demented enough not be able to recognize my self properly.

Who am I anyway?

A Nobody in so many ways. Its almost as if i don't exist.

It just that no matter what you do, its never enough. For me, it has always been the life story. The very essence of it. Try as i might, i will never do enough.

For myself, for my parents, for the people i love!!!!!!!

You are not doing enough, Eraj!

Eraj! you could have done so much better.

You are not really trying.

You never understand.

These will kill me one day. Not a myocardial infarction or stroke.... NO!!

This will.

I wish there was a place i could stay alone for a long time. Really alone. That is what i want. I want people to leave me alone and get the hell out of my sphere...

Get the hell out of my mind too. I want my mind to go blank...

Oh Mr Dementia! Why don't you come already.

Please be quick...i have been waiting since too long.

This headache was bugging me since so long. I was hoping it will go away on its own. I had no idea it will get worse with the passage of time. I had no idea, it was a warning sign for me to go sleep or else disaster will strike.

Now, it will be a lot of PRECIOUS TIME wasted before i get back to my senses.

Thank you for letting me know that i was not WANTED at just about the right time.

P.S: I had been worried sick about why i was not writing any more. I had no idea until now that the reason i had been avoiding this very loved blog of mine was not just the ridiculously busy life i lead. It was also that i had not been driven mad to AN extent so that i could leave everything that i had to do and start typing away my frustration! A friend in need is a friend indeed. It has just struck me that my best friends are my very own thoughts and no one else. Regardless of the fact that its pure torture to revisit my crazy thoughts, at times they are my only solace. My only escape from the horribly unpleasant present and the entirely unappealing future.