Even as a kid i always hated fights. But then childhood fights with friends, with cousins etc were fun actually. We fought on petty issues and then tried to ignore each other. Not more than five minutes would have passed and we even forgot the reason we were fighting for. Just a smile, a hug and everything returned to normal. Even a stupid sorry mended everything. As we vowed never to fight again, we were naive enough to believe it.
With progression of age, the nature of fights changes. One would think that maturity would result in lesser fights, more understanding and stronger bonds. But unfortunately that is not the case. I always wondered why adults fought so badly. I thought they were not as silly as kids and they should try to reason everything out instead of fighting uselessly. That was what they told us to do.
Now, i have realised its easier said than done.
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we fail to avoid them.
I have never been good at fighting (except with mom).
And due to some unknown reason, i still thought they are not that serious. That just a smile, a hug or even a stupid sorry would mend everything.
I was in for a big shock. I was wrong.
They are damn serious now.
They go on and on and on for days, weeks, years and even for the whole lifetime.
And even for a while, if we decide its better to forget them and move on, at some stage in life they are bound to come back.
Adults are usually proud of their sharp memories and they will never hesitate from bringing up a twenty year old comment/event to prove there point or to prove the other person wrong.
I thought clearing a confusion once was enough but no. Every time you do something wrong even unintentionally you have to give answers for every little doing of yours even if that particular 'doing' was done many many years ago.
I hate giving explanations for my every act. But to save a friendship, a relationship i would do everything that i hate.
Because relationships and life for me is one big COMPROMISE.
I thought friendship was all about understanding.
It was all about listening to the unsaid, seeing the invisible, understanding the unexplained.
All my life, i have been making excuses for my friends.
If this thing happened, i must have done atleast something wrong. If someone said this, there must be some reason for it and so on.
I am sick of making excuses.
My friends told me that i am very sweet, very understanding and forgiving.
I am sick of all what i am.
I cannot forget people, i cannot ignore people, i cannot exclude people from my life.
I cannot say bye to friends. Because i always want hope to be there.
No one can understand what i feel when a friend who had said bye (forever) comes back to me and tells me that i am important, that i was missed. I never say goodbye because i never want to. No matter how big the dispute is, the person itself is still more important.
I so wish that people who claim to be my friends will try (only try) to understand me.
"KANTON SE DIL LGAO JO TA-UMR REH SAKEN
PHOLON KA KIA JO SAANS KI GARMI NA SEH SAKEN"
