As a rule, man is fool; when its hot, he wants it cool; when its cool, he wants it hot; always wanting what is not!
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts

Friday, August 27, 2010

Life....

So much is happening around us these days.......
Floods, brutality, insensitivity, mismanagement and a lot more....

I have to admit, when i heard about the 'sialkot incidence', i was numb for so many hours even days.
I am still shocked at how quickly i recovered and even forgot the initial jolt that rocked me when i first heard the news.
Is this the Pakistan i was proud of?

Oh no...i am still proud of my motherland.
But are these the people, the Pakistanis, who i thought were a great nation??
How am i still roaming around, smiling, laughing, living a normal life when someone who had an equal right to live was murdered in such an inhuman way...
no words are strong enough to describe the brutal act that was committed and that too from people who call themselves Muslims and Pakistanis....

If a glass slips from my hand the crashing sound it makes with the floor makes me wince as if it was hurt. Its a very normal, human response. Although, its not a living thing, and it will not experience any pain, my next step would be to pick it up, look for any scratches, breaks etc. Now if that glass or whatever it was is of some value to me, i might hope i haven't broken it and if i have caused any damage, i will feel really really bad.

Now, what if i am angry and i am holding something. My anger could drive me to throw whatever i am holding. This is also a normal human response. That is why anger is not good.
But after a while, when i am feeling a little normal again, i will realize what i have done.

Now, if my anger was justified i might not regret what i did if the thing is of no great value or if i didn't cause any damage. But if it was valuable and i broke it in my anger, i will regret my outburst.
Regret, once again is normal for humans.
And what if i realize, my anger was not even justified. That i actually had no reason whatsoever for being angry.
My regret now would be immense.

Well, these people whoever they are not only committed an unforgivable act in their anger (or so they claim), they also have no regrets at all.
They think they are justified in beating two humans to death!!!
Not being concerned about the irreparable damage you caused to two precious lives is not human.
Not regretting the act after you know the angry outburst was not justified is not human.
Defending your inhuman act is.........i seriously don't know what!!!

To top it all off, it happens in Ramadan- the holiest of all months!!

I keep on listening to meaningless words like justice..
Their is no justice in this world at least for Mughees and Muneeb.
And may their family and parents be given more strength then they already have, and may they get rewarded for their Sabr. (Ameen)

Rains have caused havoc all over Pakistan.
Leaving the disgusting facts (like from where the extra water came, and who did what to save whose property) for some other time or for the anchors who have to earn their livings by breaking depressing news and stories.....

I just pray to Almighty Allah to please help us all.
Ya Ilahi, hum teri is aazmaish key laiq he nahi, Tu hume aisi aazmaish me na daal key jis pe hum pura he nahi utar saktey, aur Aye mere Rabb ul kareem, tu mere hum watno ko is museebat se nikal, aur hume taufeeq ata kar key hum is babarkat mahiney me unki madad kar saken, Aur humarey naam nihad leaders ko hidayat dey, key is baar wo apne bharey hue bank accounts aur kabhi na khatm hone wali properties ko mazeed brhaney ki bajaye, unki madad karen k jinho ne ghalti he se sahi, unhe apna leadrer chuna. (Amen)


And now i go to get ready for college hoping i will see some interesting cases at my last day of off-campus rotations!!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Talking to myself!!

I don't know why but even blogging has lost its charm for me...
It feels stupid to come here when i am too full of everything and to pour all frustrations here...
I am sick of never having a good thing, a good memory to share...

All i do is whine about life....

There was a time when Eraj Sahaab used to talk to herself... imagine a whole new world around her and live happily in it if she had any problems with the company provided in the real world...

Mom used to call me a retard.... She thought it was some mental illness that made me talk to myself...

MOM!! you were wrong...
See what have i done to myself after i started talking to humans....

I have nothing else to say right now, except for the fact that i remember it was hard to leave that habit of living in a world of characters imagined by me... But it kept me busy..

I had no time for boredom at least...

And now no matter how hard i try, i cannot make myself do all that again...

Maybe i have grown up..
Or just maybe i have lost another pleasure i had in life...

I miss being stupid.......
Because even though i am not a retard now, i still am mostly treated like one....

I miss all that i was....and hate all that i am now..

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Knowing and understanding!!!

I just realized how many unfinished drafts i have got..... and its strange how i forgot about them...

Huh!! A post about Eid e qurban, a post about the first year of medicine, a post about exams, a post about i don't even know what???

It was such a stupid and busy day that i can't even think of studying anything now....
I don't know whats wrong with guests and assessments. They always come together.


Okay so the part above was written yesterday.... But i am so sick of discarding my incomplete posts that i am not going to give this one the same treatment...
Today was a little less bad than yesterday......

I did at least start studying.. Now thats a positive sign. :S
You can't end a journey unless you start it. So, i am on the road......
I need a jet but my speed is worse than a chinchi (bicycle rickshaw)....

Lets just say i am travelling on foot...
Yes, really that slow....
At least i am moving forward.

Okay... my thoughts are a little too jumbled up right now.....
I don't know anythinggg................
But, wait!!!
Isn't it the highest form of knowledge. Thats what our Respectable D said....

I wish every one good luck....
Ohh Almighty!! help our brains in memorizing and understanding itself......
Amen.

"There is a lot of difference between knowing a thing and understanding it"
Whoever said it.... its so true.
And never did i understand this so well as now when i read and read and read that neuroanatomy again and again and i think i know things, but i can never ever claim that i understand them.....

Cheers!!
wishing a happy, blessed life to everybody.
Good luck to all my class mates for the assessment..... :)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Blank..........

I open my blog page almost everyday.... i even sometimes click on that "create new post" button and open that page in hopes that i might end up with something.
I have nothing to say to life....

I hate short posts........
I want to talk to myself like crazy....
I hate to say that but i feel like being in prison...
Its good the weekend is over...
I will be able to breath at least.....

I hope it turns out to be a good day tomorrow...
I hate when i disappoint people..
especially those dear to me...

Sorry to those who suffer only because of my stupid moods.... and because they were stupid enough to chose me as company.....



Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Life..........

I have no idea.... why and where and how its moving forward... But somehow it is!!

I don't even know why i came here.. Maybe because i was thinking from a few days thats its been quite a time since i vomited my frustrations out here...
I actually do that...
I think this blog which started as some sort of a personal online diary has now become a dustbin where i come once in a while when my brain is too full with stuff....and here i spit it all out...
All that i have to take in without an "ufff" and a "why"...
To be precise...
ALL the dirt (i typed another word which would have been more appropriate but thanks to Dr A, decided to censor it here for good) that life has been throwing at me of late...

2010 does not look very promising to be honest...
its not going the way i had it planned....

Nothing is right... and still you ask me how you are? And i will say Alhamdulillah! all fine.

Two days back, i had one of my worst nights ever....
It was so strangely different...
Its not that i never felt worried, upset or sad...
But it was surely the first ever time i actually felt BROKEN...

I thought and used to believe that nothing, NOTHING could ever break me...
But as a friend said, Yes! I am not as brave as i and they thought i was.
A few things went against me and my spirit broke like a house of cards....

I felt so terribly weak....
And i felt so terribly alone.... As if there is not a single person who gives a damn about me in this entire world...
I swear it was the worst possible feeling one can ever experience....

I want everything back. All that i lost, all that i am losing....
I want it back at any cost.
I can not afford anymore blows by fate....

Thanks N and F....Thanks B...
I am so thankful to you all. You made me feel much much better...
At least you helped me regain some of my lost strength....
Love you all...

I want your prayers...always...

Wish everyone a very good luck for life...






Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Another one to spoil the day!!!


Yeah!
Another one...
Its not a news anymore...

A blast again... a suicide blast for that!!!
I don't know how and when, if ever, will this all end......

This time its neither peshawar nor sawat!!
It's The Capital city.... the peaceful once islamabad!!...

I was having a good time and suddenly a message telling me to check news.... as my friend was concerned for her mom being out for a place near the site of blast....

May everybody be safe and sound....
And i hope it ends for everybody's sake!

All those who brain wash 17 year olds for their mean purposes are doomed to burn in hell....

Monday, November 30, 2009

Eid And MEHNDI!!!!....




Eid is incomplete without mehndi....... but this time it was so busy that i got time for it when eid was almost over.........

will be back with a detailed post on why it was busy later!!!!

For now, EID MUBARAK to everybody ;)
(belated though)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just another day!!

Sometimes life seems to pass without our slightest notice of it....
There are many a days in our life when nothing of significance happens.....

Today, was one of them...
Yes! It was just another day....

Sometimes life seems so purposeless that you start questioning your very own existence.....
Why are you living? Why are you in this particular corner of the world? Why you are so useless?
Well, there are times when this uselessness has its own charms...

But after a certain period of NOTHINGNESS....
You just get tired of it...

You get tired of the sun rising every day precisely in the same place it did on the last, you get tired of the same old boring phases of moon....

Times like these....
EITHER make you, or break you!!....
The latter seems more probable to those who are used to surrendering to fate.....
But the truth is.... the toughest trials of life will bring the best out of you at their end!!

And yet, at times the trials seem never ending...
Yes! thats the very thing which makes them THE TOUGHEST!!.....


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

BACK TO BLOGGING!!!

The title in itself is enough to signify that i had been away from this for quite a time now...
My fingers yearned for this freedom to go on as they wished.....
But there were many hurdles.......MANY... n Big ones for that!!

Well, had to prepare for PROFFS...(1st professional exam part 1)..
Although now i think it was in vain....
Especially, considering the great performance I gave in them after whole night study marathons (with more nervous texting and less study)...

Anyways, we got those vacations... the treat after the nightmare of proff we had been waiting for since our session started...
The VAILA time to be exact.....
i slept and slept which is the best you can do if you have nothing else at hands...
Then, quite a long trip to my village..... unexpectedly long....
And then, after all this i finally came back home...
still could not convince myself to blog because...
I thought this looong neglected blog actually needed something great to start up with...

I tried to invent something great but since even after twisting my imagination to every angle possible, putting as much strain as my nerves could endure and trying to pen down something classic and resulting in lots of wasted paper and ink... i decided in favour of going random for a start :) (pretty much the same i always do)

So, here i am...
typing whatever goes straight from my mind to my fingers... :S

Hows life??
The biggest question whenever i come to blogging....

Its good.
I know "good" is a very non descriptive term in itself...
It tells you nothing...
There is always room for improvement... to make it BEST and always a reason for gratitude because at least its not the WORST......

Its not busy...
which gives me plenty of time to fret about stuff to which i should have never given a second thought..
And it gives me time to have some fun filled moments which i would not have probably enjoyed otherwise.....

Yesterday was a shocker....
I woke up with a surprise..... Very unexpected though
It made me feel no better than i was before....
The day passed somehow... they always do...
Nothing stops the sun from rising and setting at its fixed time.....

I had two bad cuts on my left hand, and that is the reason i am typing with just one hand right now... (Telling this although any body reading this will not be the least concerned how i typed this)

Well, it was painful, it hurted ....
BUT... It was nothing compared to some other pains which maybe can never be explained!!

I did not mention the worst part but the cause of it knows how to make it better... so i leave that on Hope...

And the best part is that never ending Hope..... which makes me go on every time life pushes me backwards....

Since, my brain is still shooting jumbled thoughts with no particular direction.... I will leave the rest for some other time...!!

But, i will be coming more often now that i have started it again...

Wishing everybody the best life can possibly offer... Stay blessed! (Amen)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Defense Day... Pakistan Zindabad!!




Its the time of the year, when patriotism is at its maximum height....

I love listening to mom and dad telling long stories, recalling the actual scene.....
The real adrenaline rush of 1965....

I love listening to all those jangi taraney.....

Aye rahey haq key shaheedoo.....

ay puttar hattan tey nai vikdey.....

and many more....

My one mamu was born during the 1965 war....

Mom was too young then to remember anything exept for what nana jan told her....
And dad... Oh he was a kid....

He tells how they would cheer up loud whenever a fighter flew above them...
yeah... he had been a part of the blackout..... the naarey bazi.....

I am proud of the way our army fought with spirit not arms....

Its the spirit of Pakistan which has kept it going.....

Oh yes,... and i love watching those plays about The Nishan e Haidar winning shuhda....of the PAk army...


The situations, the crisis can not dampen our spirit......
We will rise again every time someone pushes us down and reach even greater heights....

Yes, its just not a piece of land.... its our motherland....
AND we will defend it till the last drop of our blood.....

Pakistan ZINDABAD!!

aye rahe haqq key shaheedo, wafa ki tasveero, tumhe watan ki hawaeyen salam kehti hain... .

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

We can't change it!!!!!

"Oh!!!!!
What a cute baby.....such a janu.....
see her....Oh how sweet?"

Everyone was so excited to see such a cute kid around.....

"Oh check her chubby cheeks yar......"

The girl.....was with her father and was waving back to some girls....with a very sweet, cute smile on her face...

"I think she has some _______", someone said.

"Oh! no yar.....this is not possible...look how sweet she is."
"yeah, she looks so pyari masha'Allah say......and perfectly fine...."

"No, yar there is some problem....." , another insisted.

While this discussion was going on.....the girl was out of sight....
She looked to be about 2 years and some months old.....
was very very cute, and quite active......

After a few moments, she again came in sight.....and was in everyone's notice again.....
This time she came and sat on the stairs and her mom (who was accompanying her this time) told her name as 'Malaika'....

FI brought her upstairs and unlike other kids who would cry and run away frightened....she came happily and sat with us...

"What's her age?" someone asked.
Her mom replied, "3 years".

On getting a close look, our fears seemed quite right.

She had it....she had speech problems, her eyes were not quite normal (although they were of a very beautiful colour), her smile was great, nidz even said she had that " single transverse palmar crease".... we tried to check but could not notice because her mom was ready to take her home now.

It seemed so unfair....
Her reflexes were sharp.... she was such a pretty kid..
She was here in the hospital because her father had some injury on his leg...which she sweetly told us by pointing on her own leg....

BUT SHE HAD DOWN'S SYNDROME.......

She was not interested in leaving so much of attention...and so we went with her for a little distance......
We disappeared....
But encountered her again after some while...
she kissed all of us.....
said bye in a scream...and left after waving her hand for quite long.......

She left us thinking for a while....

"How could it be yar....."
"such a pretty kid....."

But then, as Nidz said....
"We can't change it yaar"

It seems unfair, buts thats how it is.....
The harsh reality of life.....

Hospitals are a strange place...
They give hope to many people....cure to others....
and have no idea what to give to some people...
Malaika is probably one of them....

We can't help her much because its a genetic problem....
But yes family support probably would do her some good....
she is such an active, responsive, lovely, happy, cute kid....
i hope this society doesn't give her any complexes by offering too much of pity....

I pray for a miracle to make her as perfect as she could be....
and yes for her to stay happy....forever

MAY ALMIGHTY ALLAH BLESS HER!!!

"Indeed! such a cute, lovely, janu, pyara bacha. Muuaah!!!"

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Reflections on The first week in medical college!

I had always been at a loss of words when faced with the question about why i wanted to become a doctor and how I will deal with the stress which the countless demands of this profession results in. I had always been troubled with the questions like are you doing it for the monetary value or the social status and respect which the society gives one as a physician. I thought i would have been guilty of hypocrisy if i had claimed that i wanted it only to save humanity and work selflessly for mankind. Afterall who does not want monetary benefits and respect from the society? I often used to ask myself what would i do after completing my medical education? Would i be treating patients for the common cold and flu problems or would i be sitting in some office as a specialist in any particular field treating patients referred to me by some other colleagues?

I had this strong impression at the back of my mind that medicine is the only thing that i ever wanted to do and would love to do but i was unaware of the actual reasons behind this desire of becoming a physician.
I have been amazed by how suddenly i got answers to all these of my questions in just a few days or probably in just a few hours.
In only the few discussion sessions with the faculty members of my college, i have realized that stress management is not the actual issue, That a physician's goal is not his own self-betterment but it actually revolves around the welfare of his patients. That its not about treating somene for physical ailments, its also about emotional and spiritual healing. That its not about being an excellent medical practitioner, its about being an almost perfect human being. Its about being honest, altruistic, truthful, communicative, empathetic, skillful and innovative. I have realised that a physician is not one who treats a disease but the one who relieves a patient from his problems, pain and suffering and tries all feasible options for this very purpose.
The movie about Patch Adams was indeed inspirational. It cleared the confusion regarding the real goal of medical practice.
Its not just delaying death thats important, its basically improving the quality of life for the people around you which will make some difference.

The idea of being content at the sight of a suffering human's (i.e patients) smile tells me how the physicians manage all the stress. The stress experienced by seeing a patient whose condition is worsening further evaporates at the sight of another patient who is getting better and smiling back at you
What i have realised in these few days is that medical education is not about memorizing facts and practicing skills. Its about developing one's overall attitude towards life and humanity. It demands determination, hardwork, sincerity,passion and committment but it gives back a lot more. And the most important among all what you get is the satisfaction after seeing a patient recover and smile.

One handclasp lifts a soul,
One sunbeam lights a room,
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh can conquer gloom,
One touch can show care,
One heart can know what's true,
One life can make the difference,
YOU SEE ITS UPTO YOU!!!